I was listening to the rain. The water is sitting on my windowpane. I missed home and did not notice the feeling of watching the palm trees dance as the wind pushed and pulled at my heart. Seeing Miami with aged eyes allowed me to live in the future and present. It’s been 17 years since I saw you. So forgive me, I have fallen in love with the mountains. Now I see you with my own eyes again, sitting in this room due to the rain, watching drops fall into the pool below. Not a single soul sitting by the side of the blue waters below. My body wants to go. There was a time I mistook your beauty, but I was in pain.
The work-life here was fast; no time to stop and look out my window and take your beauty into my eyes. So I should have noticed you. The calmness of your rain playing songs of love to my soul, The gray sky with no clouds tease me with the depths of your sea. How did I sit inside watching TV when I could have been watching you? Playing within you. The live music plays as the thick air my lungs breathe. I remember the reason I left now. How many times the people in my city did not believe in me? I felt like another number lost in a deck of cards.
My heart knew deep down inside you were not in my cards. If I had stayed, no memoirs would have expressed my heart. Only the weekends are full of wine and spirits—no adventure for my body, no push for my mind. But now I sit looking out my window, craving to see your sunrise over your oceans. I understand you better now as your lights start to illuminate your streets. Your love was meant to be taken in doses. Too much is challenging for a lonely soul without a hand to hold. Too little weakens the craving for home, birthing the feeling of missing family. But in those measured moments, I found solace, A balm for my weary soul, a comforting light as the rain runs a long window. Michael Kiwanuka’s ” I’ve Been Dazed continues to sing in my headphones. Touching my spirits over his voice as the background singers come in, love will set you free, and time is healing. This is followed up by Chris Stapleton’s “Higher while looking out at a distance, the feeling of love grows inside me once again to be home.
3 responses to “Chapter 1: Home Is Where My Heart Lives”
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This post reminds me of my last trip back to my hometown. On this trip I noticed something I took for granted. It was the smell of eucalyptus trees and how this smell connected me to my childhood. I remember my dad bringing home leaves just so he could smell them. I sat in a park surrounded by these big beautiful trees and as I closed my eyes I can remember the friends I grew up with; the ones that moved away and the ones that stayed. I felt an appreciation for my parents and the journey my family went through to get to that neighborhood. Are days are truly numbered and we must make the most of our time and cherish the memories.
I love how this speaks to how your (our) heart grows over time… thinking back at how you watched TV rather than play in the rain, or how Miami must be taken in in doses and you weren’t mature enough to understand that, but now you can. We may think a place is just what it is, but truly the condition of our heart determines what it reflects back to us. Thanks for sharing this, LT!